Post by Deleted on Aug 4, 2016 19:13:28 GMT -5
Toria had had a similar issue before, where she was ignoring a foregone conclusion because she did not like what it implied. The last time she had ignored what proof she knew in her heart was when she noticed that she was not having her monthly visits. At first, she considered it as being the stress of leaving her family and all the travel, and then she had simply lost track of time. But finally, she could not ignore it. Three months in a row, a woman only stopped bleeding for two reasons, and in this case it was not due to age.
Seeing as she couldn’t state it was impossible, she had eventually come to accept - but not like the reality that was being pregnant. She had always wanted to be a mother of course, she still thought she would make an excellent mother. But it conflicted so badly with who she was and who she thought she was. She did not think she deserved a child, was ever going to have one, if because she was too old to marry and now because she was too busy with her work. And what was worse, is that as she was given the gift of life, she couldn’t not bear to have it because she would need to give up her job - and to give up her job meant she could not afford to raise her child.
Toria had asked Elizabeth to meet with her to tender her resignation, after she had figured out her plan. She would need to broker a ride with the next opportunity to Shelbourne, and find way to her mother. Her mother would give her a place to stay while she searched for any work she could find - if that failed, she would end up giving birth and she would then see if her mother could raise it while she worked. And if all that failed… no, she didn’t want to think of that. It ripped up her heart.
But now, she had to ignore the present situation, which was to tell Elizabeth she had to leave. She couldn’t decide whether to tell her why, and she tried her best to ignore what her future would hold once she did tell her. She honestly could not bring herself from leaving her friend, especially as she felt they had gotten close after their recent encounter. Perhaps it was also the fright that admitting it to someone else would make it real. Perhaps it was because it would precipitate her leaving such a lofty lifestyle. In either case… she now was waiting for Elizabeth in her own chambers after the night’s meal.
_____________________________________
Elizabeth Sinclair
Seeing as she couldn’t state it was impossible, she had eventually come to accept - but not like the reality that was being pregnant. She had always wanted to be a mother of course, she still thought she would make an excellent mother. But it conflicted so badly with who she was and who she thought she was. She did not think she deserved a child, was ever going to have one, if because she was too old to marry and now because she was too busy with her work. And what was worse, is that as she was given the gift of life, she couldn’t not bear to have it because she would need to give up her job - and to give up her job meant she could not afford to raise her child.
Toria had asked Elizabeth to meet with her to tender her resignation, after she had figured out her plan. She would need to broker a ride with the next opportunity to Shelbourne, and find way to her mother. Her mother would give her a place to stay while she searched for any work she could find - if that failed, she would end up giving birth and she would then see if her mother could raise it while she worked. And if all that failed… no, she didn’t want to think of that. It ripped up her heart.
But now, she had to ignore the present situation, which was to tell Elizabeth she had to leave. She couldn’t decide whether to tell her why, and she tried her best to ignore what her future would hold once she did tell her. She honestly could not bring herself from leaving her friend, especially as she felt they had gotten close after their recent encounter. Perhaps it was also the fright that admitting it to someone else would make it real. Perhaps it was because it would precipitate her leaving such a lofty lifestyle. In either case… she now was waiting for Elizabeth in her own chambers after the night’s meal.
_____________________________________
Elizabeth Sinclair